Goodbye Two

 I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when it would hit.  First, it was a the simple act of picking out a card.  Hudson was at school and I was enjoying some quiet time at Target with Charli, picking up some gifts and finally to search for a card.  I was happy, excited even.  I had found the much desired Spider-Man gifts, Legos, and cars.  Even searched out the perfect Spider-Man and shark wrapping paper.  In only needed a card.  I stood before them and started to choose when my eyes wandered, to the 2s, the 1s. Before me I saw all the years, 4,5,6,7...13, 16, 21... I picked up the 3 and I lost it.  Right then and there tears flooded my eyes and I started what turned to be an ugly cry right there in Target.  I was too upset to be embarrassed.  I just had to get out, get to my car and let the tears come.  

We finished up our shopping and paid for my firetruck card with the big 3 on it and escaped to my car to finish my cry.  

I mopped myself up pretty well and was off to pick up Huddy at school.  

A part of me thought that was the end of it, but the other part, well, it knew better.  

It was the event that caused the waterworks the two years past, but this year was different.  I was sure of it.  Ok, maybe I was kind of sure.  While I usually go alone to pick up Hudson's birthday cake, this year the whole fam accompanied me.  Hudson and I had gone earlier in the week to pick out and place our order for pick up on Saturday.  After a mild meltdown that day that he could not immediately take home his requested cake (thank you, Daniel Tiger for showing my son that's how it's done on TV) Hudson had survived the 4 day wait and was excited to see his birthday cake.  We separated into two shopping carts in HyVee, Girls and Boys and headed to the bakery.  

There we saw the same baker who had presented me my cakes the previous two years and hugged me through that fateful first birthday breakdown.  But, it was a younger woman who ultimately assisted us.  As she carried the cake towards Hudson he lit up. Squealing with excitement he peered At the cake, "My Spider-man birthday cake!" He shouted, squinty smile and dimply eyes in full effect.  He put his hands to his cheeks in awe and opened his mouth wide, in perfect over-dramatic Hudson fashion.  

Nope.  I wasn't going to cry this time.  I took a deep breath and pushed myself over the hump.  But then, something completely unexpected occurred.  The sweet woman walked to the phone and picked it up.  Over the loud speaker I heard, "we have a very special boy celebrating his 3rd birthday!  Please join me in wishing Hudson a very happy birthday."  

I could feel the lump in my throat growing, but I was determined to push through.  But then, another voice echoed back on the speakers, "happy birthday Hudson!" 

Then another, "happy Birthday, Hudson!" 

And another, "happy Birthday, Hudson!" 

It was over and there was no fighting any longer.  Tears filled my eyes as I looked at my sweet baby, not-so-much a baby any more, but a big boy, smiling in the cart repeating the words to himself sweetly, "Happy Birthday, Huddy!" 

I escaped for a bit, dividing and conquering our shopping list. But just as I dried my eyes another voice would taunt, "Happy birthday, Hudson!" Bringing me back to the harsh reality that my little boy was turning three. 

Some of you may not get it and I can respect that. It's not that I don't want him to get older. I truly cherish every age with him, well, so far ;) there are no promises for teenage years... But it's a combination of so many emotions: relief, gratefulness, pride, fear, joy, happiness... 

He has brought so much to my life.  I can't imagine a moment without him.  My heart bursts with love for my little Huddy Bear. 

And so, today I hold my little 2 year old extra tight, knowing that as much as I may wish I could keep him little forever, he's growing before my eyes and I'm so blessed that he is.  

Happy last day as a 2 year old, Huddy Boy!  

Here's some photos from his celebrations thus far!  Yes, we certainly know how to milk a birthday for all it is worth!  I'm exhausted and the big day isn't even here yet! :)