Time

We are told "time heals all wounds." Lately, I've thought a lot about this phrase and wondered why sometimes, it seems quite the opposite.  While I understand the theory, and the idea that with time we learn to cope with and manage our grief, it doesn't change the fact that with time, the missing and the longing to share special times with those loved ones who have passed never does go away.

Sunday marked five years ago that Dan's sister Brooke left us.  In some ways, it seems like only yesterday, and yet when I look at our lives now versus then, I see so much has happened. 

Five years ago Dan and I were newlyweds.  I was in the middle of finals for my third and final year of law school.  Dan was still working at his first "grown up" position at Landajob.  Our house was still new.  Our marriage new.  Our lives together, so new, and yet together we faced such tragedy.

I don't pretend to understand, nor will I ever, the loss Dan and his family suffered as a result of Brooke's death.  I only know what I witnessed, what I endured and what I still feel.

Brooke was one of those people you truly feel blessed to have known.  While her short life was taken years too soon, few could have accomplished what she had in decades more of living.  She did so much in her short time, touched and taught so many valuable lessons about courage, love, and life.  She instilled within me a reminder of the preciousness of each moment, of the importance of every day, of the critical nature of never leaving anything unsaid.  She showed me how to face fear with courage, challenges head-on and unfair cards with a smile.

Brooke has been on my mind a lot lately, not just because of the anniversary, but because of all of the changes in our lives and my longing to share them with her.  The passage of time may heal, but it also hurts.  I can only imagine the fun and giggles she and Hudson would have together.  I can only envision her holding Charleston Brooke in her arms after her birth.  And while these visions are painful to imagine, in some ways, they bring me comfort.

Believe what you want, but for me, I think she already has done these things, and will continue to throughout my children's lives.  (How else can you explain Hudson's uncanny ability to find ladybugs wherever he goes, even in the dead of winter?)  Aunt Brooke is their special guardian angel.  She is their special friend that will comfort them when they are afraid, bring them smiles when they are sad, protect them and guide them in the same way she would have done here on Earth.

She is with them.

She is with all of us.

We love you, Brooke and cannot wait to see you again.


The photo of Brooke was taken at Dan and I's wedding.  This is exactly how I like to remember her, so happy, so beautiful, so radiant, so angelic.