Oh my Soul

I'm HERE!   I love blogging.  I do.  It's therapeutic and it's a chance for me to log our life, to look back, to reflect.  I'm big on that.   I want to get back to this.   There's so much that has been missed.   So many drafts of blogs never finished, never shared.

Here's one I found from several months ago.   It's me.  Raw.  Honest.  And really gave rise to so much of what the word that was chosen for me for 2018 has done: brought me out of the spinning, the crumbling, the chaos to find the joy in the everyday.   I'm not perfect.  But I'm me.  Just a mom, a wife, a small business owner just trying to figure it all out.   And that's everything He made me to be. 

And wine is proof He loves us and wants us to be happy.  Right? 


September 2017

I haven't blogged in a while.  Too long.  But feel the need to start again. 

If you're looking for a happy, quirky, silly one.  This isn't it.   But...   

We have all have those days. Life spinning in every direction. Kids falling apart at every turn. All the planning in the world crumbles as the fits begin. I hate being the "bad guy." My parents from 3 hours away made a surprise visit and after a night of no sleep, the spoiling, the heat, the overstimulation... it left us all spent. I longed to have such a nice time with them and felt I had failed it. I hadn't been able to make the most of that precious time. I had failed.

Like all visits, it was too short. And as they left I felt raw. There's so much my parents are facing right now. Health concerns, financial ruin, uncertain future. My heart aches for them, seeing the pain in their faces, the worry they try to hide from me and yet through it all I have prayed and believed God would see us all through. But in that moment, my faith faded. I doubted.

I went through the motions throughout the evening. Caring for and giving to everyone in my home, in my business, my friends, continuing to spin, avoiding the quiet, yet feeling empty.

After bedtime for the kids, I felt the nudge. I'd been feeling it all afternoon, but I pushed it aside. Not wanting to let go. But I decided to listen.

I grabbed my keys and jumped in the car, unsure where I was going or what I was doing. Just knowing I needed to get away.

I turned on the car and drove out of the neighborhood and turned on the radio, not wanting to be silent in my own thoughts.

But He knew. He knew I needed those thoughts. I needed to hear Him. I needed to feel Him. I needed to KNOW. The song, "Oh My Soul" played on the radio. It stopped me in my tracks. Literally.

And so I pulled over. Listened. Cried. Prayed. And felt that wholeness once again that only He can provide and I was still.

I am NOT in control of this life. He is. And I needed that reminder to be still and feel Him take control again.

Thank you for this page, for this place to share.