Is he alive?

For those who have been through the newborn phase before, you know that you spend the majority of those first few weeks just praying for some sleep. While Dan and I have been VERY lucky with Hudson sleeping right from the start, it still is a huge adjustment. (probably more for Dan than me. I think pregnancy starts getting you prepared by making you have to go to the bathroom every hour!) Even still, between trips to the bathroom to pee, and vomit around the clock through pregnancy, and now feedings, I feel as though its been ages since I got a solid nights sleep. Then, Sunday night came.

We got Hudson down to sleep around 9:30, watched some TV ourselves to unwind and fell asleep. At 12:30 AM, Dan poked me. "You think he's OK?" This is a loaded question. I've learned to be very careful when answering. Those first few times, I asked back, "I don't know, do you?" To which he said, "I don't either. Maybe you should go check him." Dang it, I lose. Then, there were nights where I changed my strategy and replied, "Yes, he's fine." To this, Dan would immediately fall back asleep knowing that I had assured he was OK. Then I would lie there and think if he really was, and if I wanted it on my watch if he wasn't. Inevitably, I would still have to get up and make sure he was breathing. So, wrong again. Then, I learned to just cut out the middle part and respond, "If you're worried, go check him." Bingo. Back at Dan. Winner! :) This, of course, does not take into account the nights that after Dan has already checked him, I still am concerned he checked him well enough (whatever that means) and end up going in there anyway to hear Hudson's sweet baby sleeping sounds.

So, when Dan asked the question, I gave my usual response, Dan went to check on him, came back to give the OK, and I fell back asleep. At 1:30 AM, Dan nudged me again. "You think he's OK." "Go check," I responded. He was gone for a while, then returned to say he was sound asleep and that maybe he was stirring and would be up soon. I wasn't too concerned and fell back asleep. At 3:30AM, same scenario, only now he was becoming increasingly worried. "Should we wake him?" "Umm no." I said and repeated the ever wise saying, "You should never wake a sleeping baby." This quieted Dan and again he went back to sleep. At 4:30 AM, there Dan was again. Up in my face asking if we should wake him. He went and checked on him and came back. "Is he OK?" I asked. "Maybe you should check too. I'm not sure" he responded. So, I went and checked on him. He was breathing and sleeping just fine. I came back to bed, reported to Dan and tried to get back to sleep. For the next 30 minutes Dan talked about how he hoped he was OK, he missed him, and that he couldn't believe he was "sleeping through the night" (depending on who you go by "sleeping through the night" can technically be anywhere from 5 hours + so we had stretches that long for a few weeks, but this 7+ was a whole new level). Finally, at 5:00AM, since both of us were up anyway, we woke Hudson up. Groggy Hudson looked up at us and stretched seemingly questioning why in the world we would pull him from his slumber. Poor guy. It must stink being a first born and having to train new parents!

I guess when it came down to it, as much as we've been hoping for this day, we couldn't handle it. Hudson was ready to sleep through the night, but we weren't.

I imagine we will face many of these moments in our lives as Hudson excitedly tackles the next adventure and Mom and Dad try and clutch on to our little boy.