Sugar and Spice

April 16, 2012

Sugar and Spice

This is my beautiful baby girl. I can hardly believe I can say those words...my baby girl.

In all honesty, I thought I was meant to be a boy mom. For years I've prepared myself for it. That as much as I love girly things, being a boy mom was my destiny and I believed it. When I was pregnant with Hudson everyone was convinced he was a girl, but I had my doubts.

Anyone who knows me, or reads my blog knows how completely enamoured I am with my Hudson. He is my world, my life, my smile and my laughter. I cannot remember my life or my heart without him in it. He has brought me so much joy and taught me so much already about life, about love, about relishing in the little things, taking joy in the everyday and savoring the extraordinary. Life is just better with him in it and in turn I feel he has made me a better person just by being his mom. It has been such an adventure being a mom and most of all exploring life through the eyes of a little boy.

As you've probably learned Dan and I aren't much for secrets and we couldn't wait to find out the gender of our little baby. At 12 weeks my doctor had sent me to a perinatologist for a first trimester screening to look for early markers of any problems. My doctor also told me at that time that the sonographer would likely be able to give us a good guess as to baby's gender.

We were relieved to find out at that visit that our baby looked great! I asked the sonographer for her guess, to which she replied, "I don't make guesses anymore. My son was a girl at 12 weeks, too."

Well then. From there, I was confused. Was baby a girl or was it just not a boy yet? Was that even ok to say about my potential son? Did she mean to infer she thought it was a girl? I didn't know what to do with this, so I decided to act as though I knew nothing and carry on. It was just too much for my brain and I regretted asking altogether. We pressed on and continued to count down the weeks until our next ultrasound.

Another month passed and an uncooperative baby, and sonogram scheduling kept us from getting the clarity we hoped for. Tired of waiting another second, we scheduled a "fun scan" at a local boutique to get a peek.

Amazingly, we kept it a secret from most everyone that we were finding out. Yes, i know. Barkers kept a secret. Wow. On March 1, our babysitter came to watch Hudson and we set out to see our baby.

I was a bundle of nerves. I can't explain why I was so nervous. I honestly didn't care if baby was a boy or a girl. I had gone through old baby clothes of Hudson's just days before and got excited reliving the fun of Hudson and genuinely was very excited about the thought of doing it again.

The sonographer began the scan and I tried to calm myself. Dan excitedly grabbed by hand and we watched our sweet baby appear on the screen. The tech chatted with us as she tried to get a good look. We happily told her all about our adorable Hudson. She interrupted us. "I think I know."

Dan grabbed my hand tighter and she said it, "it's a girl!" My eyes welled with tears. Dan grabbed me and kissed me giddily repeating, "it's a girl! It's a girl!" (this was also followed by days of singing "I did it," as he reminds me continually this was all him.)

I was overwhelmed with excitement and amazement and yet, I couldn't really believe it. Seriously. I couldn't. We shared the big news with our family and close friends, but I have still had my doubts.

But now, two sonograms later and I'm finally wrapping my head around the news. I blame the first sonographer who told me her son was a girl at first, too. I mean, i really didn't want to have to explain away my excitement and blogs about my little girl to my SON later. Awkward!

But, I think I can now exclaim: We are having a little girl! I'm terrified and thrilled all at the same time. This is a whole new adventure and an exciting new ride. I can't wait to meet her and Hudson has been introduced to a very new color around our house: pink! It's funny how life turns out. An 18 year old Dan and I dreamed about our someday family of a little boy and a little girl and now those dreams are taking shape. I'm beyond blessed for the life I have been given.

And yes. We've had much question about her name. Is she named yet? Will she be? Will we keep it a secret?

No secret. I understand why some choose to wait as everyone seems to have an opinion on names. We faced it with Hudson and now, I can't possibly think another name could suit him.

I'm proud to introduce you to my little girl.

The anatomical proof for the skeptics...