My first week at my new job

Today marks the conclusion of my first week at my new job. No, I didn't find some fabulous high paying legal gig, with lots of prestige and a big corner office. Dan and I made a decision. Three weeks ago, I talked to my boss and gave my notice. I'm staying home with Hudson. It was a decision we had talked about since before we were married. Even as teenagers I remember having this conversation with Dan and was amazed at how important he thought being a mom was. At that time, we disagreed on its importance. I was hell-bent on being a neurosurgeon and wasn't even sure if I ever wanted babies. No man was going to hold me down and tell me I had to stay home and raise kiddos. Heck no! We joked in my family that I would have a stay at home hubby to watch over my babies and I'd bring home the bacon. Funny how time changes things. I trace it back to the birth of my nephew, Chase. Watching him come into this world, changed me, softened me. I was only 19, but suddenly, I discovered this maternal instinct I had been trying to push aside. No, not in that "I want to rush out and be a teen mom" kind of way, but in a way that caused me to change my perspective. My thoughts of neurology were gone and I altered my medical dreams to becoming an OB or fertility specialist. I wanted to experience this joy every day.

As time went on, I abandoned my dreams of medicine and focused instead on the law. I believed it to open doors for me to help people, and in time, to allow for more of a family life. When Dan and I reunited, we talked about our future and children. It was our wish that someday I could stay home and raise them, just like our moms had done with us. But like I said, it was a wish, something we threw out to the universe and hoped would come true, never really knowing if it truly would. When Hudson was born, the question was looming. We both knew what we wanted to do, but just wasn't sure how we could make it all work. We toured day care facilities and home centers. I was impressed by foreign and sign language programs, developmental psychology, and baby yoga. How could I possibly compete with that level of education?! But with each place we visited, we would look to each other and Dan would say, "I still want you to stay home." And so, three weeks ago, we decided. That was it.

I had prayed a lot about this decision, not because I didn't feel it was right, but worried that I wouldn't be pulling my weight in the family, worried I would be putting too much pressure on Dan or that our marriage would suffer because of it. I had come a long way from the girl who didn't even want children, believed a career was #1. But, as the weeks since my notice passed, I became more sure in our choice and realized, my new job wasn't far from the dream I had once had, spending each day amidst the joy of new life. This was my calling. Yes, I was sure of this. That was, until everything started falling apart. First, it was my car. The AC went out, then the brakes, then the suspension. Then, Dan's car started smoking. Then, the AC in the house stopped working. Spring storms hit and it became glaringly obvious of the work and money needed in the basement to finish what we had started. Suddenly, it seemed someone was trying to tell me something and the choice didn't seem so clear. I worried we had acted hastily in our decision and had somehow made the wrong one.

On Monday, I announced to the Facebook world that I was staying home with Hudson. I received lots of encouraging responses, but one particularly hit me. "God will honor your choice," it said. He will, I thought. These words gave me faith in our decision and the belief all would be alright. My thinking was interrupted by sweet sounds of Hudson waking from his nap. I walked to Hudson's room to get him from his crib. In my head those words repeated, "God will honor your choice." As I looked down I was greeted with a wide grin from my sweet boy. "I think," I told Hudson, "He already has."