Mama's Boy
Sunday we went to church as a family. Again we were bumped classrooms for size, but now that he is walking, Hud tends to blend in a bit better. Of course, when people ask, we still get gasps and gulps at his ginormous size, but otherwise, he's learning to blend in.
There were no tears, no struggle. He wiggled to be let down and quickly walked over to check out the other kids. He didn't look back as we hung up his backpack, said our goodbyes and walked out of the room.
In service, I anxiously watched the screen for our letters. About 15 minutes in, I looked to Dan and asked what he thought Hudson was doing. As if on cue, he decided to go check in on him. Quickly he came back with a smile announcing Hudson was playing with the other children with a ball. Whew, a ball. He would be just fine.
Our magic letters never appeared on the screen. We walked to his classroom and peered with with the other parents waiting in line for their children, but, we didn't see the Hud. Dan nervously laughed saying, "I think someone else took ours."
I got worried. Last time this happened nervous child care staff were pushing him around in a stroller trying to get him to calm. More children filed out of the room and we neared the door. Finally, we saw him. Sitting alone at the table belly up to a pile of Cheerios was our smiling Hudson. "We tried to take him out, but he didn't want to," laughed the attendant. Yes, that's our Hudson. Give him snacks and a ball and he's good as gold.
When I was put on bedrest in pregnancy, we cancelled our gym membership. While he was an infant, I didn't want to spend a moment away from him. Thanks to a Groupon and an offer I couldn't pass up, we rejoined last month. I've been going in the evenings when Dan can be with Hudson so as not to take him to the child care center. But, after our wonderful Sunday experience, I thought it to be time to introduce him to the "Kid's Gym."
And so, after a morning nap, a yummy lunch and some play time, Hudson and I headed to the gym. I checked him in and talked with a friendly staff member. He smiled and said hi to her and squirmed to be let down. He took off his shoes (they require the children only wear socks on their "gym" equipment and on the mats) and away he went. Another child cried for his mom and I anticipated this would upset him, but he didn't give the tot another glance and away he went. The attendant explained they had pagers if I wanted one, but they would just page over the intercom if there were any problems. Because this was his first time there, I opted for the pager.
I went to the cardio area and hopped on a treadmill for a nice run. I looked down at the pager periodically, but after about 15 minutes, I was in a groove and was enjoying the time away. This was good for Hudson, and good for me, I told myself. As I neared the end of my run, suddenly shrill sharp beeps filled the air. The sound startled me. My headphones slipped out of my ears. I stumbled to put them back. My iPhone fell to the tread and flew behind me. My towel got caught within my feet as I struggled to find the source of the noise and slow the treadmill. I hit the emergency stop which only resulted in more loud beeps. I looked around to see the annoyed faces of those around me and sympathetic faces of other moms. That's when it hit me. The pager! I quickly cleaned my machine and scurried off to find my Hudson.
There are double doors to the Kids Gym for safety and yet I could hear the shrill screams of my Hud all the way down the hall. I reached the door and was buzzed in. Hud's face was bright red and tears streamed down his face. I scooped him up, heart broken and he began to quiet. He clung tightly to me. I apologized and asked what happened. They said he was fine, at first. Then he became upset and could not be distracted. They tried showing him my photo on the computer (they take pictures of all members) but this just made him more upset. And so, they paged me.
We collected his things and just as suddenly as it began, the tears were gone. He smiled a squinty dimply smile, waved bye-bye and we were off. Hudson smiled and laughed our way out the door and into our car. When in the car, I called Dan, tearful and defeated.
"I've ruined him!" I cried. "I'm a terrible mother!"
The truth is, I don't know what I felt more terrible about; the fact that I had left him and that he had become upset, or the fact that I couldn't leave him without him becoming upset. In my typical over-dramatic manner, I saw visions of home-schooling, a teenager that would rather stay home on Friday nights and watch "Wheel of Fortune" with his mama than hang out with friends, his future wife coming to me blaming me for his issues.
The days events continued to bother me throughout the evening. I've worked so hard to spend every moment with Hudson, I never thought I could be harming him in any way by, well, spending EVERY MOMENT WITH HIM.
Yesterday, we skipped the gym and headed out to Legends for some walking, sunshine and retail therapy. Maybe it was the sun, a good night's sleep with my Dan home yet again, or the shopping, but today this "problem" doesn't seem so big.
We'll keep trying the gym, in small doses and hopefully eventually he will learn that I will never leave him. Besides, maybe he thought I was sending him to baby fat camp? Maybe he just needs snacks? Whatever the reason, I know it will improve. But, for today, I proclaim, "My son is a Mama's Boy."
Admitting it is the first step, right? :)
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