Recap: Coming Home

Charli is almost 3 weeks old.  It's funny how quickly the time has gone and how little things remind me of when Hudson was a newborn.  They look so much alike (aside from the dark hair and pink clothes) sometimes I feel just like time has rewound.  And because I've again returns to neglectful blogger status, I will attempt to update you on the happenings of these last few weeks.  First up: coming home.  

Just weeks ago I sat in our dark hospital room cuddling my angel after a 5am feeding.  I was proud I had sent Dan home for the night and felt so much more confident than I had 2.5 years earlier holding a tiny Hudson.  I thought to myself about what a smooth stay we had.  Sure, the labor wasn't exactly short and simple, but we had an uneventful stay and I was more than ready to take my little girl home.  And so, realizing we had quite a day ahead of us, I sent Charli back to the nursery so I could get some much needed rest.  

Moments later, or so it felt, I awoke to my nurse inches from my face. "Charli stopped breathing in the nursery."

I jolted from my sleep, and sat up.  The nurse's words ran together.  "She choked on some mucous and started turning purple so she was put on oxygen and immediately pinked right up.  She's ok now.  Would you like to go back to sleep or do you want me to get her for you?"

Excuse me?! She stopped breathing?  My mind was whirling, my heart was pounding and I didn't know if I should scream or cry.  Of course I wanted to see my baby.  But my nurse thought again, "it may be a good idea to keep her in the nursery where she can be watched for a while.  You get some rest.  She's perfectly ok.  Are you all right?"

I didn't know.  I was groggy and confused and worried.  I nodded and she left the room. I wasn't sure what I could do but I needed to see my Charli.  And so, I threw on clothes and went running to the nursery.  Ok, so more like a limpy cautious fast-ish walk. Give me a break I had just delivered 36 hours prior! As my luck would have it, the blinds were down in the nursery.  I stood before the windows trying to sneak a peek, but no luck.  Just then I saw a door open and a nurse come out. Of course she was on a phone and I couldn't speak with her, but I saw what I needed to: my sweet Charli girl sleeping peacefully in her clear box, chest moving up and down with rosy skin.  

I stood for a while watching her, relieved all was ok and thankful she had been in the nursery when it had happened.  Yes, I know, it wasn't a huge issue, and she was fine, but I'm still her mom.  I still worry (perhaps more than others) and I still don't want anything to ever happen to my kiddos.  But, we were very lucky.  I just hoped this wouldn't cause any delays in going home.  

A few short hours later, Charli was back in my room and in my arms for photos.  My doctor had released me and our pediatrician was next to check off.  As many of you remember we had some issues with jaundice when Hudson was a newborn and he had to be readmitted to the NICU the day after we were sent home.  Again, not a super serious condition, but one that had me very concerned and an ordeal I really didn't want to go through again.  

As a result, like I tend to do, I researched prior to Charli's arrival to be prepared and to try to avoid a similar scenario this time.  Billirubin is removed from the body by way of stools so I had read about the importance of making sure baby is eating well, staying hydrated, having lots of wet and dirty diapers and not losing too much weight.  And so, hours after delivery I set on my mission, pumping, nursing around the clock, obsessively making sure Charli was always eating.   I was pleased to see Charli had not lost a significant amount of weight and her billirubin levels were of moderate (not high) risk.  I was certain I'd figured it out this time.  

But, as we packed up the room and got our little girl all dressed to go home, the pediatrician came in with bad news.  They needed to get another check.  Her color wasn't looking good and the doctor was concerned.  We would need to stay several more hours to evaluate her levels.  

I felt completely defeated.  I'd worked so hard, and done everything I knew how to keep from going down this road again and yet, there we were.  A combination of no sleep, hormones, my frightful morning, and my desire just to get the heck out of the hospital had me in tears.  

Yet again, it proved to be just another hiccup and late that afternoon we were released and instructed to continue on the same course and follow up with our pediatrician.  

We were going Home.  Finally.  

We packed up (again) in record time as mom and I attempted to keep Dan from taking every freebie in our room.  Just because we "can" take it doesn't necessarily mean we should!  

We got tiny Charli all strapped into her seat and we were off.  As we pulled up to our house tears filled my eyes.  Our driveway sweetly displayed the chalk handwriting of my favorite little people (nieces and nephews, not the Roloffs) welcoming Charli home.  The mailbox doned a large tulle bow and pink tulle covered the shrubs.  Pink sparkly butterflies were perched in the garden and a proud sign exclaimed Charleston Brooke had arrived.  

I couldn't wait to hug my Hudson and be a happy family of 4.  

But, as the rest of our day seemed to foreshadow, that wasn't in the cards.  A different Hudson than we had seen at the hospital the preceding days greeted us.  Grumpy from awaking from his nap too soon.  He whined and cried avoiding his sister and unsure whether he wanted held or to be left alone.  Charli needed to be fed and cried. Then Hudson needed to be fed and cried.  And I needed pain meds and maybe cried, too. :) 

 We couldn't seem to find anything in our hastily packed hospital bags and things seemed to be spiraling out of control.  Fast.  We needed to reset.

And we did.  Thankfully Dan's parents were still in town and offered to take Hudson to get some food and see the fish at Bass Pro.  Dan found my prescriptions and set out for the pharmacy and I was left to feed Charli.  A little over an hour later and it was like a different house.  Full bellies, some meds and some time did us all a world of good.  The night we cuddled in bed as a foursome and sang LaLa love to our newest blessing.