A day

It's been a day. The kids slept past 7 (yay!) but quickly derailed as I found the girl had a blowout in her crib. She needed a bath and an already-dressed-for-the-day Hudson decided to join her. So our day started over before it had even began. Add to the stress, running late, a spousal squabble (oh yes, we have our disagreements) and an iPad that would not charge :( and I started the day a bit off and feeling a bit like a failure. 

But, I attempted to turn it around and headed to my Mom's group/bible study Charli in tow.  I arrived early, dropped off a typical smiley Charli and helped set up for brunch. And as it usually goes today was a message I so needed to hear. It ended with all of us ladies lining up and taking turns at the microphones proclaiming powerful "I" statements of what we have learned in our study.  Even though I had to duck out early to make Hud pick up! I packed up my things with a renewed energy, hope and perspective.  

I dashed to collect Charli but found the happy girl I left there had vanished.  Tears and snot coverd her red face.  She kicked and screamed, "mama mama," when she saw me. I attempted to repeat my I statement in my head, grabbed my girl and picked up Hudson from school.

We ran some quick errands and returned home to eat lunch.  Charli shuffled her feet and dragged her baby seat into the living room and demanded to eat lunch there.  Hudson followed suit with another booster seat and wanted to be just like her.  I'd be lying if I claimed to have fought.  There wasn't much fight left in me at that point and the kids happily and quietly ate pepperoni, cheese and graham crackers while I may have laid on the couch and blankly started at the ceiling enjoying the quiet.  

Finally, the "bedtime robot" dinged signaling perhaps my favorite part of days like these, nap time.  (It is really just the robot sound on an alarm on the iPhone but this is Hud's affectionate name to the only thing he seems to respect lately.)  Got the kids in their beds with clean sheets and clean blankies.  Closed their doors and set off to attack the baskets of clean laundry still awaiting folding and putting away, the mountains of still dirty clothes, the piles of dishes in the kitchen, the scattered toys throughout the living room and phone calls I needed to make. 

I knew better.  Moms just know.  There's just some days you know no matters what you try to do, things just are off.  Just as I heard Charli quiet down and go to sleep, Hudson started banging on his door, dying to tell me that he had just seen an elf outside his window watching him. (Thank you, Mom-Mom.). As he loudly told his story Charli was jolted awake, screaming from her room. I consoled her and got Hudson back to bed.  I went back to my laundry for moments before the banging started again.  This time he wanted to show me he was dressed as spider man, but "I can't climb like him."  I looked to see all of his bins of toys dumped, and all of his dresser drawers opened in an attempt to create a ladder to climb.  

Just as I was poised to enter massive mom meltdown mode, Charli squawked  again from her room. I went to peak and was slapped in the face by a horrific stench and brown goo everywhere.  Another blowout.  

And so, Charli was hastily placed back in a clean bath and in typical Hudson fashion he was right in there with her.  

The kids bathed and dressed and I decided there just wasn't much I could do at home to reset our day.  So I got everyone together shoes on, coats on and set out for the car.  A bit on autopilot by this point, I got Charli strapped in her seat and looked around for Hudson. "hurry, buddy! hurry!" I shouted into the air.

"Here you go, Mommy." His sweet voice replied.  I looked down to find his little hand reaching up to me holding a freshly picked geranium from my pot.  "It's because I love you, Mommy.  I'm sorry I not take a nap and I'm sorry Charli was stinky. You're a good mommy.  Yeah.  You're a good mommy."  

Hmm.  Well, it's pretty hard to keep up the angry "poor me" attitude after that.  

And suddenly  as I took the flower into my hand, the words that had renewed me and my day came flooding back to me.  

"I am enough."  

I may not be perfect.  I'm not the perfect mom.  I'm not the perfect wife.  I'm not the perfect daughter, or friend. I am not the perfect woman, but I am enough.  I am loved and I am cherished by my family, my friends and by my God. 

Thank you, God, for my wonderful son who loves me just as I am and reminding me when I forget that I am enough.